Persistence is Everything!

“Wait a min’ here…..” Jabber stopped me at the git-go, “I thought LOVE was everything….”

Well, it sort of is and it isn’t.  An’ anyway, Paprika (the Spicy Royal Red variety) has her own take on things.  This being one.  

“I never know what you’re talking about….” Jabber grumbled as she crawled into a corner and cuddled up with Houdini (aka Paprika, aka ‘Poppy’).

Trying to find a clever way to say, “Things my Puppy has taught me (so far anyway)”….so here they are:

1.  It is alright to do what ‘the authorities’ tell you to do so long as it’s what you want to do too.

That is to say:  if you want to go to bed and you prefer to be in your private corner of the bedroom and not be bothered, by all means hop into the kennel, close the door (after you have your bedtime treat) and curl up for a long nap.

Otherwise, tell the authorities “NO!” in no uncertain terms.  Do this by violently shaking your head back and forth as in ‘no’  and giving one sharp ‘word’ (bark) at them.  (Humans are not the only ones who can communicate.)  You may still be overwhelmed and thrown into jail– (they are, after all, stronger than you are)–but at least you got to issue your protest and they KNOW that YOU KNOW…..(and you can talk, too).

2.  The authorities get to do some things you don’t get to do.  It is unfair, but that’s the way it is.

This does not mean you can’t protest, long and loud, which you can, of course.  Let them know you are tired of staying on the floor and you want to be ON the couch.  In fact, you can jump up there when they aren’t looking and grab a nap as long as you’re quiet about it and keep your head down.

In this way, you may be able to use the couch for some period of time without being detected.  However, if they do eventually find you out, there may be a price to pay for your actions.  Then again, if you can run fast enough, maybe not.

3.  Annoy the heck out of them by chewing and nibbling on their hands, feet and shoes.  Ears, too, if they are available.  But most of the time, they are not.

This seems to be most annoying, but they will put up with it as long as they are not damaged in a serious way.  Annoying the authorities is, over time, the best method of subversion.  The authorities are not cruel, by nature, and will tolerate you so long as you don’t damage them.  If you inadvertently do draw blood, expect them to yell and sometimes place you outside the house or in jail.  If you get a chance before one of these occur, lick the wound gently and act sorry.  Seems to work some of the time.  So does running fast.

4.  Act like you don’t understand what they are saying and therefore you can’t obey their demands.  (You are French, or German, after all, how could you speak English?)  Unless, of course, they offer food for you if you do.

Such demands (often irrational) such as “Do NOT eat that paper towel!” can be ignored.  After all, they are only going to throw it out, so why shouldn’t you have it to eat?  (Chew quickly, however.)

5.  You can really irritate the authorities by relieving yourself on a carpet.

This should only be done if you have been unjustly treated on several occasions and/or the authorities have not compensated you duly for your time spent in jail whilst they were off galavanting about in the big box on wheels.  Or, of course, if the carpet has just been cleaned.

6.  Act sneaky.  It will drive the authorities crazy trying to figure out what you have done even though you’ve done nothing.

This needs no explanation.

7.   Be as perky and happy as possible when the authorities return to the house.

Sometimes they will give you a treat for the nice reception.

8.  The authorities are stingy with their food and do not like to share under any conditions.

Therefore, you will have to learn how to steal some things.  Get over your guilt and just do it or do without.

9.  You will not EVER be able to drive.

You don’t have the key.  The authorities have the key.

And you are strapped in the back seat with some sort of contraption and can’t roam freely inside the big box with wheels.   Otherwise, of course, you could and would.

10.  The backyard IS your domain.  Don’t let the authorities forget that.

At times, the authorities will try to rearrange or otherwise mess up your organization outdoors.  Do not allow this.  You are out there more than they are, so you have enough time to put things back in order if they should attempt to take over.  Make them think you are attempting to ‘assist’ them when they try to rearrange things, too.  They will think you are ‘so cute’ which you are, of course.

11.  Like an 800 pound gorilla, if you are big enough, you can sleep anywhere you like.  Ergo, eat your vegetables and grow!

12.  The most effective form of protest is non-violent.  Simply lay down and refuse to move even when the authorities attempt to drag you.

That about does it for now.  I think all these lessons might be used effectively against ‘the authorities’, don’t you?

 

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